I am a fairly new resident of Texas…ok almost 5 years but I’m still adapting. It’s BIG. It’s hot. The area I live in is gorgeous with all its greenbelts and hills and rivers and wildflowers. I just moved into a house that sits next to a creek that is dry except when it rains. We have not had rain in a L-O-N-G time. So you would think the plague that has come upon me and my home would not be, unless it rained. What plague you ask?? PESTILENCE!! Enough to make Pharaoh let GO real fast! Creatures in minimal lengths of 4 inches…maybe 40 inches! Now I hear you saying, “Robyn, what the hell are you talking about and are you embellishing again??” Glad you asked. Let me ‘splain it to you…you might want a beverage and a cozy chair…and uh! ME? Embellish?? Not this time.
This is the story of Big Bubba Roach
He was one on my bedroom wall the other night. I swear that sucker was between 4 and 5 inches!!! I think he was wearing a saddle as he was big enough to ride. I eyed him moseying along at the top of the wall across from me. I get up to grab a shoe KNOWING he is eyeing me back. He scurries. I scream. He runs some more. I scream. The Corgis bark…but Little Bear runs in to help. I guess he’s the Pit Corgi…I throw my shoe at the wall… Big Bubba Roach stares me down and jumps at me and then… he flies… F-L-Y freekin’ flies!!! They have wings…probably propeller blades. I heard them. … I scream, trip over Little Bear and jump onto my bed. Bubba disappears. Roachageddon time calms down and I convince myself he will not crawl across my face during the night. Unit #9 and his friend (a big sister type friend) come home. I tell them about Bubba but figure he is gone. 20 mins later I hear stomping…ok, I exaggerate…but Bubba Roach R E T U R N S!! I call for Unit #9 and he and big-sister-type come in my room. The 3 of us swarm in on Bubba…that sucker jumped up higher on the wall. I get a spray bottle of something. big-sister-type sprays and he tumbles towards her, landing on the floor behind my dresser. She looks underneath and he is looking back. She screamed a few times but moves forward, a mission before her. During this time Unit #9 went to get some paper towels ( what a guy ). big-sister-type smashed Bubba 5 times before he croaked. big-sister-type is not a girly-girl but even she screeched a bit! Unit #9 the Valiant was there to hand her a paper towel. By now it was 11:30 and I was wide awake. I earned that glass of wine I poured!
I can handle mice, snakes, banana slugs, gory things…but spiders and roaches and wasps…uh uh..no way. Bubba Roach better not have any friends or I just may have to get a shotgun.
Bubba’s ancestry is Texas Tree Roach…some call them Palmetto bugs. TX friends assure me they come in from outside to die… WTH?!! They want me to notify their next of bug-kin or something?
They’re big I tell ya! I can handle mice, snakes, banana slugs, gory things…but spiders and roaches and wasps…uh uh..no way. Bubba Roach better not have any friends or I just may have to get a shotgun.